how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
oh god the rape fog is back!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
