Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
