I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
