i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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