Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
