why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
