Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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