You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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