oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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