brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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