I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
