I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
