i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize