You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize