She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
