what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
