we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
