we're chasing vodka with high fives
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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