I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
