four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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