just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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