Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
