sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
