I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
