It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
either way he was missing a nipple.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
