the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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