if you like me you must not know who I am
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
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