4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
