What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Operation Purity has been aborted
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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