I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
