It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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