I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
