omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
