Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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