we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize