its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize