508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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