I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
