Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
