She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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