my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
