mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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