There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i think i have herpe
just one?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
