...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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