he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
