We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
