It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
