I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
