He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
