can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize