I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
