I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
