I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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