mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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