i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
