ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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