everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
