Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
