i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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