So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
