whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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