I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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