you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
