Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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