Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
