so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you inspire me to be a worse person
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
