he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
