So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I wish there were birth control emojis
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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