dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
