i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
God I need to hump something, right now.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
