Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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